I am sorry folks!

It’s funny the things that happen sometimes that seem and feel so real, but in the end are all in your head. I instantly felt as if I was the 3rd guy, almost borderline, that Mr. Hamilton was referencing.
I am lagging in my readings and will remedy that this week. Some meeting’s I had failed to submit an integration and the last one I entered was heavily worded. I have/had questions about what I have read and there is no one I have been able to reach to discuss the material.
Know for sure, that I have appreciated every bit of material received. I still have every single letter. “I GET IT”. I’m feeling a need to understand some puzzle pieces in broader detail. I have recognized my inner child my whole life. This information isn’t new to me. I have had a fundamental understanding of the values I can “create” for the world. But it wasn’t until around the 18th of March at a show that I received a puzzle piece, a glimpse of how powerful the conscious mind can be. My mind was exulted to a whole new level of consciousness. I do not feel a hair smarter than anyone out there. I got a glimpse at not just one conscience mind, but over a hundred, melded into one. I couldn’t get your twelve visions off my mind! I understood the structure and release of pure flowing unadulterated love that your books provided me as well as others.
My concern’s regarding money was only based on the one month I could afford for the neothink clubhouse website. That was my attempt to chat with the others and mentor’s. I spent hours typing out my profile. Upon submission for one reason or another it was declined, at that point I clicked back to my profile page and saw everything I had spent hours on gone! Frustrating to say the least. Not to mention the system had me listed as 47 years of age, I’m 30. At the time regardless of all the computer generated letter’s I received from neothink, I thought, I must be a glitch. I’m not who they think I am. That’s when I wrote the strong worded integration. I was wrong in how I handled things. My apology is to everyone, even if I’m not this 3rd guy!
The value I see in what I have read is incomprehensible. If nothing more than another philosophical view point, “I got value” from neothink, my monies worth! These books continually bring me to tears. They express and put structure to deep seeded feelings and doctrines I have built on through my beginnings of life.
It feels like yesterday, but it was 4 1/2 years ago that I lost my dad to Leukemia. I have been holding on to more then I’ll attempt to express. I finally was able to release some of those feelings when I broke down at the “show”. I had been trying all my life to do it alone. My dad always HAD an answer I could run with. But being raised LDS on my moms side of the family, I had no where to turn, those views couldn’t answer my questions.
I have been rewiring myself. I’m using your books to start all over, from the ground up.
My FNE is Mycology- The study of fungi. I want to grow mushrooms for edible and medicinal value. I want to educate the public on earth’s natural bioremediators. teach them how to set up permacultures in their own back yard. How to grow food from cellulose bi products. I have thought through every detail continually for over a decade. I am working on acualizing that mini business, thanks to your books. I would love your help. When I can afford to I will sign back up with the Neothink clubhouse. From day one with you folks I have been broke, beyond broke in debt. More so once I borrowed money to pursue this opportunity. I live with my grandparents. I survive by helping my own struggling mystic (mormon) based family, whom are suffering. I can go get a full time job and make decent money, no problem. That would take me away from helping my family hands on and building up my business from the ground up.
Folks these books, my music, and a few great friends/ family have been everything in my life the past year. I’m sorry I could never put into words my integrations at the end of the courses. I tried, I couldn’t stop writing, or I felt that I sounded bad, or rambled on too much. I was scared I would sound stupid or that the next meeting would answer my concerns. I didn’t pursue my own clubhouse because I knew fungi was my FNE, my mini company! I want to be a part of one. 4 hrs. away is the Denvers clubhouse. But I already regret not diving head over heels into it. I would be well on my way to leading Grand junctions club. I see now that it’s also a passion of mine and truly a place where one can produce and create unforeseen values for every living thing.
At this point I’m rambling. I’m not looking for anyone to feel sorry for me. This is my integration for lesson 10 and previous lessons. This is how I have felt and the struggles Ive been facing. If I was that glitch I talked about, it doesn’t matter anymore, I’m hooked. I may be lagging a bit, but I’m going to try harder now. I’ll work on, or where, anyone see’s fit, if there’s still a place for me. I can still give back to the SOS, and Mr. Hamilton, I will! Forgive the novel, I had to get this out. Something was seen in me and I have much to give. I thank all for your support. I didn’t mean to bring in the mysticism. Just a driving need to know too much too soon and gain answers for that, that still can’t be explained/ defined. Bryce